It Is Not Your Fault

 

“It is not your fault that they did not treat you well.

It is not your fault that they do not like you.

It is not your fault that they hurt you.

It is not your fault that you had to leave.”

I experienced rejection so many times and I always keep telling myself, “Dayan, wala kang kasalanan”.

I always try my best to make other people like me, but I failed so many times. When I was young, I really love to play outside with other kids, but they don’t like playing with me. I remember someone told me, “Ayaw ka namin kakampi, di ka naman marunong, saka ang hina mo, matatalo lang kami dahil sayo”. A high school classmate also once told me, “Hindi ko gusto boses mo, ang arte.” I even had a boss before who never gets tired of scolding me in front of my workmates and throws some stuff in front of me. And a year and months ago, I have friends who ignores me, and I don’t know the reason why.  

There were relationships that need to end, but we must understand that it doesn’t mean that we have not done enough, or we are not good enough. We just need to accept the truth that not everyone will like us for who we are, that not all things will work the way we want it to be, and not everything that we thought are good will end up good. Looking back at all the rejections I’ve been through, I finally learned how to let people go: I decided not to play with our neighbors; I decided not to talk to my classmate who hates my voice; I left my job; and I decided to accept that my friends are now strangers to me.

I understand that choosing to leave was difficult. But it is more difficult to stay and pretend that we are okay. 

..when we try to fit in, but we don’t belong.. when we changed ourselves for the benefit of others but still we end up being wrong and alone..

I know that you are resilient, powerful, and brave, but when you feel that you’re already broken, then the best thing you can do for your self was to leave.

You may feel alone after that but soon you’ll find the person who will accept you and will give you a lot of reasons to stay. In my case, my sisters became my playmates even though my neighbors refused to play with me; my high school classmate apologized to me before we graduated and told me that she realized that I was nice and she was wrong for judging me; I am already working for 6 years with my present employer and never did I experienced my boss treated me the way I was treated before; and now I am gaining new friends despite of losing some of my old friends.

Life doesn’t stop after we chose to leave. We all deserve to be happy.